As Elsa would sing, “Let it go…”
I’ve had the privilege of working with hundreds of parents over the years. I have found these 7 common lies get in the way of our best God honoring parenting. By busting these lies I hope you will feel some freedom and relief!]
Correction will crush the child’s self- esteem.
Many moms today have trouble correcting their children. Single mamas are especially sensitive to correcting their kids. But correction is not rejection. Children can be corrected in a positive way, where they are motivated to do better, try harder, learn more, and to persevere.
“Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.”
I just want my child to be happy.
We all love it when our kids are happy. But settling for just the happy camper leads to wimpy character and weak prayers. Rescuing our kids doesn’t encourage emotional, mental, or spiritual growth.
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
Siblings must work out disagreements on their own.
Our kids need tools and guidance when it comes to conflict resolution. Otherwise they will develop their own.
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”
1 Corinthians 13:11
A parent must always be consistent.
Moms, this is a big one! Breathe a sigh of relief. Here is the verse that many parents use to promote constant consistency:
“All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
This verse refers to being a person of our word: keeping an oath, making and keeping a promise, being a person of integrity. It does not mean every interaction; every discipline technique needs to be the same. Where we always want to maintain the same attitude is where morals, values, faith, and safety come into play. But when we dole out a punishment that is too harsh, we can revisit and redo.
If a child fears his parent, he will obey.
Fear born out of intimidation is not the type of fear we want our kids to have. This type of approach will eventually lead to rebellion. Obedience sticks when it comes from a place of love.
“If you love me, keep my commands.”
It is important for me to be my child’s best friend.
Here is the opposite position with equally harmful results. If a child looks at a parent as a peer, he has no confidence in the parent’s ability to lead, guide, and protect him. He will eventually become resentful.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”
A raised voice lets the child know a parent means business.
Once we raise our voice, we have lost the battle and the child has won. Staying in control is hard but it is the most effective. Stay in control, maintain respect, and get to the solution side of the issue.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
About Lori Wildenberg
Lori Wildenberg, mom of four, loves to encourage and support moms in their quest to be the parent they want to be. At one point she had 4 kids five and under. And yes that means she had four teenagers at the same time! Lori is a licensed parent and family educator, co-author of three parenting books, speaker, and co-founder of 1Corinthians13Parenting.com. For more information or to connect with Lori go to 1Corinthians13Parenting.com or www.loriwildenberg.com.