Years ago, when I was deeply entrenched in the unhealthy world of reality shows, I was a big fan of “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.” Dr. Drew Pinsky, an American board-certified internist and addiction medicine specialist, enrolled a patient by the name of Jeff Conaway into a rehab facility. One of Conaway’s most memorable roles was in the movie, “Grease” with John Travolta. Conaway had developed an addiction to cocaine, alcohol and painkillers. When his co-dependent girlfriend, who also was a prescription-pill abuser, would come and visit, it was suspected that she was sneaking drugs to him. They were inseparable. Sadly in 2011, Jeff Conaway died from pneumonia and disease of the brain attributed to drug overdoses. I’ll never forget when Dr. Drew described Conaway and his girlfriend as being “meshed” together. I witnessed how being “meshed” with another person like that was very dangerous. It’s almost impossible to get well and healthy again. Are you entangled in the meshes of an ungodly soul- tie?
An ungodly soul-tie is the deep bond that develops between two or more individuals through an unhealthy relationship leading to addictive, manipulative or even violent behavior. Basically, anything taking you further and further away from God. These ties keep us in bondage and hinder us from experiencing the fullness of God. Fornication is perhaps one of the most common ways to create ungodly soul-ties.
Godly soul-ties are formed when a couple marries. Mark 10: 7-9 tells us that the godly soul-tie between a husband and wife is unbreakable by man. However, when a person has ungodly sexual relations with another person, an ungodly soul tie is then formed. “And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one”(1 Corinthians 6:16 NLT). This ungodly soul tie fragments the soul, and is destructive. People who have many past relationships find it very difficult to bond or be joined to anybody, because their soul is fragmented.
I was in an ungodly relationship for six-and-a-half years. I’m ashamed to say that I stayed in it even when God kept showing me he wasn’t the one. I was blocking my blessings with a concrete wall. When you’re having sex with someone you are literally super-gluing yourself to them. Let me break it down. Ladies, when we have sex we give off a chemical that causes us to bond with a man. This is the very same chemical that makes it possible for mothers to bond with their baby during breastfeeding. This is why it’s so hard for us to move on. You were never supposed to be with that person in that way. That special connection was created by God to cement a bond between a man and a woman in marriage. It’s important to get rid of anything connecting with the sin or unholy relationship such as rings, flowers, cards, lingerie, etc. Such things symbolize the ungodly relationship, and can hold a soul tie in place.
So you think your body is yours to do with it as you please? Oh no, the Bible tells us that we were bought with a price. To begin the process of restoration from ungodly soul-ties, I challenge you to really get in the Word and talk to God about it. Ask for His forgiveness, repent and turn away from the behavior. I had to do this. I ignored all calls and texts. For true restoration to take place, I had to return to the owner and allow God to fill me with The Holy Spirit. The enemy has a really slick way of sending that distraction with all of the exact specifications to your liking. Don’t be fooled. It’s designed to take you out and keep you off course. When we’re putting God first, secure in ourselves and surrounded with people who feed us spiritually, we’re less likely to fall into traps. This is where having an accountability partner could be very beneficial. If you are super attracted to a guy you’re going out with and don’t trust yourself, invite a responsible couple along that will make sure you get home — alone. Bad habits aren’t broken overnight, but baby steps in the right direction are beautiful progress. Seek counseling if you have to. There could be something deeper going on that a professional could help you uncover and heal. I’m here to deliver the good news that God is in the restoration business! I’m a living witness that He can knock the taste of that ungodly soul-tie right out of your mouth — for good. But I did the work. And you too can be restored.
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22). Note the word “he.” That implies that he has to find you! Don’t fall for the aggressive woman revolution either. Very few men will turn down sex when it’s being thrown at them. Well there was that one guy named Joseph in the Bible. But seriously, you really do lose in the end. So chill out and get to work on yourself and your purpose. Stop chasing men unworthy of being in your space. If he’s a true man of God, he’ll show interest, pursue you and wouldn’t want to sample the goods before marriage. And yes, it’s realistic. I’ve seen with my own eyes that if a man truly loves you and God, he has no problem putting a ring on it without knowing you intimately. Always remember, you are the prize.
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body”(1 Corinthians 6:18-20 NLT).
“This article was originally published in Grace Magazine”
About Kenya Ulmer
Life Coach, Author and Speaker Kenya S. Ulmer had some ugly drama. Now drama-free, she teaches women how to ditch the drama and distractions to get on the road to their destiny. When she’s not slaying drama she’s playing it. Draped in a gold lame jacket, and pounding rock and roll on her piano, she won first place in a talent competition, singing her rendition of Jerry Lee Lewis’ “Great Balls of Fire.” Kenya resides in Maryland with her daughter Sydney—queen of the selfie. You can connect with Kenya at www.singlemamawithnodrama.com