I met a single mom the other day that said to me, “Pam, I so desperately want a husband but I feel like if I ask for one, I’m telling God I’m not content with the blessings I have. Is it ok to ask God to send me a husband?” Now… that’s a loaded question.
Some people think God does not like to be troubled over and over with our constant coming and asking. But I think the way to trouble God is not to come to Him at all. The Bible says we can ask God for whatever is on our hearts, but that doesn’t mean it’s best for us or that He’ll say yes.
I’ve been remarried to my second husband now for almost three decades, so I’ve learned a few things about remarriage, blended families, and how a second marriage can stay together. So, the first question I would have for you is, “Why do you want a husband?”
Let’s play the “Wrong and Better” motive game. Answer honestly. Are you ready?
- I want a replacement husband because I’m terribly lonely and he would fill that gap. WRONG motive
- I want a husband because I want my kids to have a male figure in the home. WRONG motive
- I want a husband because time is running out. WRONG motive (and by the way, people who rush into marriage are usually running from unresolved issues that will bite them later)
- I want a husband because he would help pull the load financially. WRONG motive
- I want a husband because I’m finally healed and I desire a godly man to lead our family. BETTER motive
- I want a husband because I believe our union will bring an emotional, spiritual, psychological and relational blessing to my children. BETTER motive.
Friend, this I know. If you deeply desire a husband, there is nothing wrong with that. Many widows after years of working through the grief desire a mate once again. One of my dearest friends who has been a widow for over seven years told me the other day she was ready to date. I was thrilled for her! Women who have never married might desire a companion or even women who are single again might desire to marry again one day. Yes, it is Ok to ask God for a husband but more importantly it’s MANDATORY to consider this:
If you’re not 100% content being single – if you are not healed over your past where you’ve adequately defined the loss it’s had on you- and if you not willing to surrender to God completely, then you might not be in the best emotional place for God to bring a man into your life and household.
The institution of marriage has a special place in God’s heart. So be real with God about your feelings. Seek out wise counsel and above all, court Jesus as your husband now. God always has your best interest at heart!
About Pam Kanaly
Aloha! I’m Pam Kanaly, President and co-founder of Arise Ministries. But actually, I think Arise found me wanting to bless single moms years ago. Ministry was never on my mind as a kid. All I wanted to be was a hula dancer. So Mother enrolled me in the tiny tots’ class. Guess God knew I’d have two grandbabies born in Hawaii. I love the great outdoors. You might even find me spending time with my husband grizzly bear watching or camping. In fact, it was on a turkey hunt that God gave me the name Arise Ministries in 2002. I suppose it’s a good thing that I majored in Grammar in college since I love to write words of encouragement to single moms.