When I was a single mother, I wasn’t into the “dating” scene, yet when the time came, I slowly began to get my feet wet. No one gave me any advice. No one shared with me the Do’s and Don’ts. But I don’t want that to happen to you.
So here’s what I know to be true. My friend, I hope you’ll take it instead of leave it. You’ll thank Mrs. Pamela later.
Date with God’s purpose in mind or don’t date at all. And just what is God’s purpose? Is it to fill your void called loneliness? Is it to find a daddy for the kids? Is it to find another person to share expenses? If any of these are a major reason, your “purpose factor” is off. God’s purpose is to pursue Christ together where your marriage honors God and together you mirror His image. That can’t happen if you’re not on the same page spiritually.
Remember: Heal first. Find a mate later. It’s a known fact that time is needed to heal. But far too often single moms believe that another relationship will fill the void. If one has not sought godly counsel in helping them learn to both grieve the loss and let go of bitterness, they set themselves up for another broken heart. If you get involved prematurely, you could be hurting rather than honoring those you date.
What about sex? Resolve to date only someone who shares the same faith and convictions that you have, and if you’ve already “blown it” here, determine to start afresh and get an accountability female friend to help. God’s plan is good, best, and always brings the bonus of His blessings. Walking through the dating jungle can be a zoo! But God promises that if you seek Him, He will keep your path straight. Put obedience over passion.
Prepare a check list. Don’t ignore the signs that “this guy” is not right for you. Does he treat you with respect? Do you argue more than you get along? Are you constantly finding yourself defending him to your friends? Are you compromising your values to be more in line with his? Are there things about him that you don’t feel is “quite right”? Do you share the same goals in raising the children according to God’s Word? Sharpen your pencil and be honest with yourself.
If necessary, practice this word – “Goodbye.” No one likes to end a relationship of convenience. Breaking up hurts and it makes you feel like you’re back at square #1 again. The truth is this: it’s not easy to dissolve a relationship with someone whom you’ve grown close to and invested many hours. But I’m convinced that breaking up “now” is much less painful than spending your lifetime being miserable in a marriage. (You’ll THANK YOU me later for this advice!)
The point is this. Involve God in your dating choices but along with that, be willing to do the hard stuff….for your sake…for the kid’s sake.
About Pam Kanaly
Aloha! I’m Pam Kanaly, President and co-founder of Arise Ministries. But actually, I think Arise found me wanting to bless single moms years ago. Ministry was never on my mind as a kid. All I wanted to be was a hula dancer. So Mother enrolled me in the tiny tots’ class. Guess God knew I’d have two grandbabies born in Hawaii. I love the great outdoors. You might even find me spending time with my husband grizzly bear watching or camping. In fact, it was on a turkey hunt that God gave me the name Arise Ministries in 2002. I suppose it’s a good thing that I majored in Grammar in college since I love to write words of encouragement to single moms.