We all have a story. Our stories consist of joy, sorrow, success, failure, hope, disappointment, and probably anything else we can think of. I’m grateful for the opportunity to share some of my story with you. My hope is that you see Jesus as the author of my story.
In June of 2016 I was a happy wife of a worship pastor and a proud mom of three incredible kids. My kids were 17, 14, and 6 then, and I had been married for twenty years. I had just returned home from being a camp counselor at Falls Creek when I quickly discovered my marriage was in trouble. Much to my surprise, I discovered that my husband was in a relationship with another woman. That woman happened to be one of my close friends.
It was devastating for me, my kids, our family, and our church family. You see, sin doesn’t just affect one person. It makes ripples, like when a stone is thrown into a pond. The effects of the hit roll out farther and farther.
After visiting with family and our pastors, we decided to try to work through the damage and salvage our marriage. The following seven months were unbelievably difficult, but in the end, he chose to leave. I would find out later that his other relationship was still intact.
When he left, he also became unemployed, so our insurance would soon end as well. I decided to get the kids and me all our checkups so I would have a little time to figure out insurance. For me, that meant I needed a mammogram. Shortly after having a mammogram, I was notified that I needed further testing and a biopsy. On May 3, 2017, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
I remember waking up that morning and hearing the Lord say to my heart, “Be ready, but I’ve got you.” At that moment, I knew what I would hear at the doctor’s appointment. I remember resonating with the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Because of their unwillingness to worship King Nebuchadnezzar’s gold statue, the fire was heated seven times hotter than usual. When the men were thrown into the fire, they were not alone. The Lord was in the fire with them. You see, the Lord doesn’t leave us alone to fight the fires of our lives. He is right there with us all along the way.
One of the most significant parts of that story to me was in Daniel 3:27: “they didn’t even smell like smoke!” I wanted my faith and the faith of my children to be like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego so that when things settled down and we were called out of the fire, we too would not smell like smoke but would lead others to praise the Lord for all he had done.
I worried that through this trial my children would become angry and turn from God. I tried desperately to protect my kids, to shield them somehow. But there was no way to do that. A friend told me if God is the author of your story, then you have to trust him to be the author of your children’s story as well. So, I set up a prayer closet in my literal closet. Here, I would battle for my kids, and I would fight for myself.
Prayer is what makes a difference. That closet became my haven. I could be completely vulnerable with the Lord there. I was gut-honest with him about everything. I would cry, scream (into a pillow), read, sing, sleep, and just be still because the Lord met me there in the closet on that tear-stained carpet.
I continued to take my kids to church. I learned to sit alone in a church service when no friend was available to sit with. God’s Word became the Bread of Life to me. God was my strong tower, my mighty fortress, my everything.
I still make many mistakes, and my road to healing has taken a bit of time. But God has blessed me with a second chance at love and brought me my sweetheart, Bobby. We married in May 2023. My son, who is now a youth pastor, performed the ceremony. My middle daughter, a junior at Oklahoma Baptist University, sang a beautiful song, “Goodness of God,” while I walked down the aisle. My youngest daughter and daughter-in-law walked the aisle ahead of me. It was a glorious day!
The scars of divorce and cancer will always be there for my kids and me. But my prayer is that we do not smell like smoke and that God will use the story of our lives to draw people to himself.
