I have a rowdy boy who is always playing some sport, even if he makes it up. He’s tossing, hitting, or kicking a ball at any given moment, in any place—even the middle of my living room. Because of this charming characteristic, there’s a mini basketball hoop securely fashioned with three types of tape to the stairs in my living room. I noticed the speed and intensity that he was launching himself toward my wall had increased, so I came up with the bright idea to allow him to add padding to the wall under the hoop. My living room was slowly turning into a discount YMCA, but while he played, he talked with me instead of hiding away in his room. So I leaned in.
A few weeks after we had installed the “professional padding”—also known as a mattress topper—things took a turn for the worse. It was one of those moments where what I thought might happen, happened. I heard a loud sound come from the living room and saw him lying on his back with his hands covering his face. Alarmed, I rushed over and asked if he was ok. He let out a pitiful sigh, uncovered his face, which had tears running down, and said, “You’re going to be so mad at me; it’s huge!” He closed his eyes and pointed toward the wall covered with padding. I walked over and looked behind the pad and was shocked at the size of the hole in the wall.
Time sort of stood still for me. I was shocked, but I also wasn’t. I looked at the giant hole in the wall and looked at him, still lying on the floor as he waited for his punishment. Time stopped because I knew this was “a moment.” A moment for me to show this little guy what life is really about. I started laughing and asked the million-dollar question, “Was it your head or your hiney that caused this hole?” He explained that it was his hiney, but he wished it was his head so maybe he wouldn’t remember the moment. I then said, “How about we make this a moment we want to remember?”
You see, I knew this could happen and probably would. I wanted him to play, to be rowdy, to feel comfortable in our home, and to constantly say, “Mom! Watch this!” That was my goal, and I knew this hole was just part of that. Was I annoyed? Yes. But more than my annoyance I was curious about what we could create together.
This newly created hole allowed us to discover a fairly large space under the stairs. It was a perfect little cubby for our dogs, so we took that hole and turned it into a door. Together, I and the-one-who-put-his-hiney-through-the-wall cleaned the space and furnished it with our dogs’ beds, food, and toys. The dogs were underwhelmed, but we were proud. I could have freaked out and yelled and screamed and lectured about the hole. Instead, I decided to turn that hole into a door. A door for our dogs but also a door for my son. A door into our relationship. A door that said you’re welcome here even when you mess up like I expected you to mess up.
Everyone that walks into our living room notices the little door that was once a giant hole. When they ask about it, we get to tell the story of a mistake that turned into a moment. Recently my son’s friends were over and one of them commented on how cool the space was. I listened in and will never forget my son’s response. He said, “I accidentally made a huge hole in the wall that I thought was going to send me to my room for a month. But my mom was super chill and instead we had a bonding moment and built that for our dogs.” Did you hear that?! MY MOM WAS SUPER CHILL. Did you catch that?! WE HAD A BONDING MOMENT. I translated this to “I have an awesome mom and I love spending time with her and I’m thankful she didn’t shave my head that day.”
I’m telling you this story to remind you that not every hole is a hole. Sometimes it’s a hole waiting for you to turn it into a door. Sometimes I do lose my mind when they do dumb things, but sometimes I look for opportunities to create moments.
Have you used a moment like this to bond with your kids? Have you ever shocked them when you were “super chill”? How many of you have or have had a hole in your wall installed by a child? Here’s to turning holes into doors single mommas!
